New York to Las Vegas

I knew today would be hectic. It began at the crack of dawn, when I schlepped 1.5hrs up to the Bronx to shoot a 10am event. If it ended at 12, I’d have just enough time to get back to my apartment, grab my stuff and get to the airport for my 5pm flight.

Throw in a downpour, cold winds, and having to make 3 transfers just to get there and you have the most not- fun commute ever.

Then try rushing home, hoping you’ll have more than five minutes to get all your luggage together before having to leave for the airport, and getting an automated voice message from United Airlines telling you that your flight has been cancelled and that you’ve been booked on another one.

Then lug 2 suitcases in the rain to the nearest subway stop, 15 minutes away from your apartment, looking like a complete moron trying to hustle them through various turnstiles and up/down stairs throughout the NYC subway system until you reach Penn Station (almost an hour later).

Redeem a few points by thwarting the system and buying 2 separate NJ Transit train tickets (Penn → Newark, Newark → airport) instead of one Penn → airport ticket, thus saving $3.25 (hollerrrrrrrr), which will buy you maybe half a candy bar at the airport newsstand.

Then, while enjoying your 25 minutes of semi-comfort on the train to the airport, check your crackberry and see that, after job training last week, your qualifications suddenly and inexplicably don’t match the job requirements and your new job is over before it even started. Also reluctantly respond to an email, turning down a photo gig that is to take place while you’re out of town this week (bollocks!).

After countless connections and frustrations, arrive nothing short of exasperated at Newark Airport. Stand by the check-in counter looking dumbfounded, wondering what to do when you’ve already checked in online but still have a bag to drop off. Decide after five minutes that you might as well continue to look stupid at the counter, and get in line.

Then, take a few seconds to leave your comfortable world of oblivion and glance up at the flight departures board. Surprise, your new flight has been delayed 3 hours! Double surprise, you’re going to miss your connecting flight to Vegas! You lament not knowing how to say FML in more than one language.

But oh wait, it looks like you’ve come equipped with your ‘get out of jail free’ card, and United Airlines is able to get you on another flight out to Denver on Continental. Not only are you on it, but you’ve snagged the last seat! Pass go and collect $200!

Except oh, by the way, Continental is in a different terminal, so go lug your bags back the way you came, back on the airtrain, up/down stairs, and start the grueling check-in process again at the Continental counter. And oh no, we just can’t seem to get your suitcase all the way to Vegas, so you’ll have to pick it up in Denver and pass through check-in and security again at the Denver airport before connecting to your next flight (because it was just so much fun the first time, not to mention the pre-first time that didn’t count because your flight got changed).

And you know your new snazzy photo gear suitcase that’s serving as your carry-on? Well we’re not so sure about its contents, so we’ll have to scan your bag a few more times just to make sure you’re not the next hooligan featured on ‘Locked Up Abroad’ (nevermind the fact that you’re not even abroad).

And oh guess what, all of the overhead compartments are full so good luck finding a place to store said bag on the plane.

[Insert a good 20-30 minute snooze after takeoff here]

Wake up, sunshine – Continental is one of the few airlines that still serves complimentary meals onboard! Collect your free microwaved cheeseburger and enjoy

But don’t forget – you’re not allowed to relax much longer on this flight, so get to work on your photo editing!

And hey – SURPRISE! Your temperamental crackberry decided to turn itself on while in flight, and the battery is dead when you land! Now, on top of claiming your bag, checking in again, going through security again, and grabbing dinner, you have to go sit by an outlet for an hour while your phone charges. Welcome to Denver!

………………

And that’s where this twisted game ends (I think). I’m happy to report that the remainder of the trip went rather smoothly, and I arrived in Las Vegas around 10:30pm to see Lauren at my gate. We then got whisked away by an old cabbie through downtown Vegas and arrived at the Palace Station (ghetto) hotel around 11:15. Also, if anyone was keeping track, I rode on 14 trains, 2 buses, 2 planes, and 1 car today.

And so it begins!